the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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