sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think I died a long time ago.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I can text with my tongue
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
