its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
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The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
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No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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