Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
