u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
