Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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