I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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