I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Randomize
