It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
