fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
