I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
