i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
