it's too hot outside to masturbate.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize