What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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