I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
