Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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