from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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