i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
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He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
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My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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