Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
