I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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