If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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