We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
just come out here and I will go home with you...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i need some magic done to my vagina
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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