Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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