He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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