Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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