he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
