Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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