Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
