I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize