I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
