Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
