i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
