farters have to be the big spoon...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
