did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
