He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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