So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
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trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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