I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
