I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
