I feel like abortions should bother me more
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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