I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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