I accidentally burped into my bong.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
