our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize