There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
