My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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