so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
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How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
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I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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