I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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