and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
