Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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