she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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