i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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