theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
