That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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