I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize