Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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