i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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