just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
