i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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