nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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