The maid of honor just puked.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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