I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
