Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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