I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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