just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
