walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
