She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
