i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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