so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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