I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
