Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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