"it" just moved
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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