I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Let's paint friendship bongs
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
