it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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