How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
But theres a keg here and me gusta
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
