I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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