So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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